Paradox of Virtue

Q&A

We held a Q&A with Sam and I promised to answer all the questions we didn’t have time for. We had 10 questions in all!!! It’s great to have our congregation so engaged.

1. What's your take on the recent decline in Christianity (eg US). Is it related to the pursuit of "being good, successful, etc" or do you see something else?

There’s some big factors in the “something else” categories. 1) The postmodern era (70s-90s) saw a departure from universal truth in favour of a personal “what’s true for you”. So now, less people generally say they are Christian just because their family is - which as a consolation, is mostly true! 2) There are rejections of Christianity based on the moral failures of key church leaders who have undermined Christ’s spiritual work. 3) There is also a role of migration in the statistical counting of the “decline” in Christianity - the immigrant population is less Christian than the Christian West populations.

But in the bigger scheme of things, I would agree that the pursuit of being good and successful - that “big brother” energy - is a related part of the decline in Christian faith. America has a rich heritage from the Puritans - a culture that promotes purity, goodness, righteousness and justice. Those values have shaped the tone of conversation, and I would often say have drowned out grace. Our own culture is not too far from this - so we must be constantly reminded. The power of the Gospel is lost if we lose sight of GRACE in our lives. God is a holy God - He is just and righteous. But he is also the God of queue jumpers - He is the God of grace and mercy.

2. After the younger brother comes back to the father, how can the younger brother make sure he doesn't fall back into those same old patterns.

My first thought is whether the two little words “make sure” imply the older brother’s perspective behind this question. If so, this pinpoints the difficulty we experience, grappling in the practical application of grace. We experience a tension of what to expect should be the spiritual transformation in our human lives, while we still are surrounded by sin. Paul describes this real frustration in Romans 7. I want to encourage caution around the words “make sure” because they feel a little too absolute, and place a little too much emphasis on our part. The Christian life is NOT Christian perfectionism! (1 John 1:8–10)

What can you do if you’re the older brother? Focus all you have on the love of the Father - the grace, mercy and forgiveness he gives us - equally to you and your “younger brother”. They need reminding of God’s goodness, against everything else that is just temporary satisfaction. Practically, you might be able to help him get established activities that are more fulfilling than sin, and if the relationship allows, an offer of gentle accountability. Anything you do must be in light of God’s goodness which is greater than any condemnation (as great as that also is). 

If this question is from a “younger brother” - if you’ve returned to your Creator Father, then that means you understand that life in his household is more fulfilling than the life you’re trying to create on your own. You’ve made a choice to submit to his decision-making and wisdom, because it’s superior to yours. And it’s GOOD! God isn’t out there waiting to pounce on you if you falter, but he wants you to experience a full heart transplant so that any sinful desires become unappealing to you (Ezekiel 36:26). Certainly, there are patterns that are hard to shake - if that’s you - find a trusted, mature Christian (or your pastor) who will provide good, patient counsel.

3. What if someone is blessed with a smooth and contented life and God is not a priority in their life. How then can they come to realise God is all they need in their life.

A “smooth and contented life” is a life assumption we often make living among wealth. We believe we can control our lives, and our own happiness. It seems that people who work towards a smooth and contented life subconsciously distance themselves from others who don’t have the same. 

Naturally, someone might feel their need for God when life goes off the script they’d written for themself: declining health, death, relationship conflict. In the least, we can keep praying that their hearts are readied so that they can recognise their need for God when challenges do appear. Prepare yourself to welcome them home and celebrate like the father does for the younger brother!

But what can we do before that, knowing the brevity of life? We can try to persuade them, but that is difficult: telling someone they won’t be ultimately happy while they are happy right now feels like gaslighting. I won’t go as far as saying we should avoid those conversations, but they require generous amounts of prayer and humility.

Perhaps you can let God use you as a light in this manner by your own life choices: seeking things of eternal worth over temporary comforts. Live with the heart of Proverbs 30:8 “Give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’“.

4. How do you juggle your very busy lifestyle with your young family?

There’s a lot to unpack here which I hope to devote some teaching time at church in the not-too-distant future. The question revolves around our theology of work. If you want to read ahead, Kara Martin is an Australian author who has tackled this issue in her books called “Workship” (https://www.workship.com.au/). The question seems to put “busy lifestyle” at odds with “young family”. In the same way, we often put “work” at odds with all our other priorities. We also tend to limit “work” as the stuff you get paid money to do.

Work is EVERYTHING we give our energy to - mental and physical - for the purpose of creating, building, helping and serving. Work is EVERYTHING that we do with the bodies God’s given us - because things require work to keep going. It’s a message you’ll find in Ecclesiastes - whether we’re in a season of work or enjoyment, if it’s ordained by God for you to do - you’ll find it GOOD. So “busy lifestyle” (assuming paid work) and “young family” both represent areas that God has given us to care for. They’re both work.

They aren’t two things to be juggled, but two things that are going to fill up one bucket - one bucket, which is your life. It’s finite. You also can’t overfill a bucket, something has to give. That means learning to prioritise. Learning to say no. We heard Sam say that he made a conscious choice to attend church with his family on Sundays. That’s a decision to say “no” to preaching on a Sunday (besides this one time for us!). That’s a “no” to good work that he’s gifted to, which becomes a “yes” to work that he’s prioritised for his family.

So to summarise in a short sentence - living a busy lifestyle just means the days are quite full. Not a bad thing! As a Godly parent, I hope those things reflect the right priorities of what God wants for our work - what gets our energy, and what gets our attention.

5. What does it look like to come home?

Sam gave a great answer on the feeling of what it is to come home - the feeling of settledness, to be where you long to be. I’m going to add a little to the answer - what’s the part just before coming home? Jesus gives us important points in the story.

Firstly, Luke 15:17 says that the younger son “came to his senses” - he REALISES. He realises that his father’s home is better splurging his inheritance. In our terms, it means realising that heaven with God is IN ALL CASES going to be better than what you can enjoy in your earthly life.

Secondly, and this is the main point for the younger son, coming home means a change of heart - he REPENTS. The apology is repeated: once rehearsed, once for real: “Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son”. To come home is to acknowledge where you’ve turned away from God, and to be made right with him through repentance.

Lastly, he packs up his stuff and footstep after footstep, he heads home - he RETURNS. He’s ready to face his father’s punishment, except for the counterpoint of the story - God rejoices at his son’s return. Coming home looks accept that God is a good father, that His house is a good home, that he treats his workers and his sons with absolute goodness.

For the record, here’s the ones Sam answered - sorry, we missed recording these responses on the recording:

• As a parent, how do you personally and practically balance the need for discipline/ work ethic for your kids with the more important message of grace.

• What was your biggest failure and how did looking up save you?

• Did your talk give permission for us to party all the time?

• How can we be the best version of ourselves, when we live in a world that expects us to do things / be accomplished? Do you have any practical tips to help us on this journey whether we are a student, a mid career parent or retiree?

• What does it look like to come home?

And there’s one I simply can’t answer!!!!

• What were the top three takeaways from your medical career that you apply to your current life?